this is the story of a gurl…

kepala pusing. kalo nak bunyi mengancam sket, headache (errr..xdela ngancam mana). kalo nak describe pain dia, mmg sharp kalah pensel yg lepas kene sharpen. tapi maleh dah nak layan. malas nak jumpa doktor. segan sgt dah. baru setahun duk kuantan, clinical record aku maula nampak macam dah mastautin kat sini 25 thn. pastuh malas nak dgr lecture berjela dari doc pasal yg kunun2nya aku nih stress laa, medical student syndrome laa, itu & ini. tuh tak termasuk lagi dapat kelas tutorial free, dgn free2 jer kene dapat soalan latih tubi pasal stadi dr Doc. hish, bukan aku ke yg kene tanya kat dia macam2… siapa yg doc skarang nih pon tataula…

kalo aku wat differential diagnosis sendri, yg dahsat2 jela yg aku mampu listkan. brain tumorla, cerebral infarct (tahap melampaula nih), meningitis, migrain ker… hehe..tt’s why i’m still student.thn ke-2 plak tuh.so every ntahapa2 diagnosis is always be forgiven. tapi rasanya maybe sbb aku kecewa sgt dgn my last block result. gile punya teruk. even lulus, tapi mmg teruk tahap aku sendiri rasa terkedu lagi tersipu2 dpn Dr San2 time amik result tuh.nih btol2 terok tau. bukan terok guna kayu pengukur cik Timah (bukan nama sebenar),tapi gunu kayu pengukur cik intan bazilah. gila punya cubaan. cubaan gila2 sbb aku rasa blok tuhla yg aku paling rajin (paling rajin utk diri sendri laa..kalo dlm kelas , kerajinan aku ntah ranking ke brapa ratus ntah). tapi blok tuh gakla yg plg teruk dlm 1st yr aku. atau lebih tepat lg seumur idup aku kot. hailaa…

keterukan result aku tuh mmg wat aku berfikir gakla dalam beberapa hari nih. mmg slama nih jarang berfikir pon, berangan je keje. haha.. apalah silap aku agaknya. mmgla agak sebok last blok, tp buku aku mmg tak lepas. so bila berkira2, rasanya terpaksala aku mendropkan beberapa aktiviti yg biasa aku wat. give time for myself utk relax n stadi macam org2 len. mula2 igt nak drop kls gitar. walopon terang2an tak mgkn result aku trok sbb tuh. apala sgt 1 mlm jumaat setiap mggu. nak lipat baju pon tak sempat siap agaknya. tapi bila dah ditazkirah oleh mereka2, maka xjadila plak. sbb takut nti aku suffocated. benti buat apa yg aku suka, n last2 dapat withdrawal syndrome. bahaya. xpasal2 kene cold turkey plak..

silat? mintak maapla. itu…aku rasa kalo aku kawin nti n husband dok bising2 soh benti baru aku stop kot. heheh.. susahla nak stop..dah sebati dgn darah daging. ewah! (perasan gila..kalo mmg btol2 tere xpe gak). mode serius : itu last choice la kot aku nak wat. KOT. faci team? erm…tokleh gak. aku mmg suka jumpa dak2 skolah nih.  bolehla wat2 tunjuk tere time tuh. (dah lepas spm blehla cakap)ahhaha.. xdela..mmg serius seronok. borak2, kongsi pngalaman, suma mmg aku anggap mcm adek sendri jer..so yg nih pon masuk tong sampah. FMIG? too gud to let it go. segala keje design2 aku? erm.. mungkin bleh dikurgkan.. sbb kadang2 bila dah melimpah sgt, aku mmg jadik muak n morning sickness jadiknya. tapi kalo tahap ader mood tuh, tak tido 1 hari pon aku sanggup…

naya betol…jipang tahap gergasi aku nih rupanya. dah suma pon sayang, last2 1 apa pon aku tak lepas la camnih gamaknya. gaya macam nak derma 10 ribu kat org, tgn tgh hulur pikir pahala, tapi tangan pon dok tarik2 tali sbb fikir kalo guna shopping nih mesti best tahap tak igt. huh..dahsat btol..

xkesahla..xdpt distinction pon xpela..asal aku tak mati kesangapan kat sini, dok ngadap buku je keje. takpela kalo aku takleh jadik normal cam dak medik yg len, sbb aku nih mmg sakit congenital spirit defficiency sejak kecik pon. kene amik supplement selalu utk x hilangkn rasa fatigue ngan life. kalo aku ngadap buku lama2 bleh jadik anemic n mulala termengah2 dyspneic dek hypoxic. x kesahlaaa…

I’ve been thinking about this thing quite a long time. In life, many things happen not as what we had planned before. Almost everything. Like in Alanis morrissete’s song (betol ke eje nama dia camni), which the best part of the lyric said “it’s like rain on ur wedding day, it’s a free ride when u already paid, it’s a gud advice tt u just didnt take…” most of these things happen all the time.  U passed all ur exam excellently,ur name standing still in the list when there’s no one else get all straight A in trial exam,u already received the best student award, but when the real exam result was out & there r 25 students who get 5A, u just ‘mesmerized ‘ others by getting 4a with 1b in Penulisan. Ironic. Again, it happens most of the time & i always be included.

                Kalau tgk cerita hindustan, they always get mad to their gods if this thing happen. Kenapa bila tgh shok2 bercinta & it seems like u almost there to the peek of happiness, then find out tt the guy actually have brain tumor or etc. Then, the woman will go to tanah lapang, looking at the sky n shout “tuhan tak adil, tuhan tak adil” (hahaha..i already remember the scene coz it keep repeating the same way in almost every movies)… but as a Muslim, i believe tt there will be more than a grieve in every dissapoinment.  I still remember the scene when i receive the so called bad UPSR result.  i never see mak cry that way, n that makes me know how success i was in dissapointing her. I didnt want to  hang out with my friends due to malu yg teramat sgt, all my dreams to go to boarding school musnah berkecai. At tt moment of course my 1^st choice was to go to sri puteri, & my last choice wud be an islamic school. & of coz with tt result, i cant even enter tt excellent maahad school without guna kabel. But see, He always be the gud planner.The one & only. I cud only see the hikmah 5 years later. It makes me, me. The ironic thing make me here. Tt most scary thing makes me experienced all the greatest things in my life afterwards. I learn from my failure a lot. It makes me never regret for failing that exam.         

                It’s not only about the examination thing. It always happen in every aspect of our life. Like Piqa said, if xde tiba2 prob in silat organization skg nih, kita mesti dah jadik jurulatih. Hahaha… ironic things always make us regret at the 1^st place & building the false hope at the 2^nd place. Things happened, so why dun we just accept, rite. The truth is, there no such ironic things. in fact, this word shud never exist coz it doesnt exist pon. it is just a test, a test for the better. Like He said, life is a test n how could we claim tt we are the true believer without being tested. But He also promise tt in every camalities, there will be a benefit. The benefit tt we can only see when we think. Think & ponder. Think, ponder, be patient & never give up.